Has anyone seen the commercial for the Dyson line of vacuum cleaners? If you haven't, the owner himself proclaims he spent something-to-the-effect of his last 12 years developing this "revolutionary" vacuum... Twelve years, really? It took you TWELVE years to improve upon the technology of the vacuum cleaner, which is essentially a motor and fan in reverse, pulling dirt into a bag or container. I cannot even recall what exactly he did to improve upon the product other than make it look more "techy" and "hosey" and of course, paint it yellow. Take THAT Dirt Devil and Hoover, all hit up with your red selves... Anyways, the Dyson guy is not the problem, other than the fact that he took 12 damn years improving something that was in dire need of an obvious fix; make the vacuum suck less, or better, whichever.
My gripe today is with all the devices that idiot boasted his product against. The rest of the vacuum lot. Over Thanksgiving I had to help vacuum the floors at my folks house. No big deal right? No gripes over helping take care of pre-dinner chores. In a way, it's all part of the holiday experience... I digress. What DID bother me is having to use god's own mistake of a vacuum that my parents owned. Now, I have to address this piece by piece. One would think that when using a vacuum hose to clean a floor, the manufacturer would provide enough length to maybe, MAYBE go further away from the vacuum than three feet. Not this one. The hose is made of some type of corrugated elastic, which when extended to a usable length, sends the base vacuum hurling at you in return as if it was Batman's grappling hook attached to a rooftop. So in order to clean without risk of a rear assault from the vacuum, one must drag the base along with every step of those, thus negating any convenience it should and could provide. Morons.
So then the vacuum straight up breaks because its holy rolling piece of consumer waste. Fortunately enough (or so I thought) my Grandparents, living close by, brought their home model by for us to use. This one takes the prize. The hose on this bad-boy doubles as the handle to which you steer the thing. Fine if your vacuuming with the base, but yet again, try to use the hose and your lugging this worthless air stand behind you! Except with this hunk of hoover-flop you don't even have a handle to catch to prevent the attack when the elasti-hose with no length jerks the base right back at you! Worse yet, this model goes right for the back of the knees when it falls, and lemme tell you I have the battle scars as evidence.
To this I say put me in charge of vacuums. I guarantee I won't develop worthless minute details over decades and I surely won't let slip a leg debilitating design flaw through the process. That should be alarming to anyone right then and there... being in the creative field, I have a fair understanding of how a design gets filtered through the channels. To use not one but TWO horrible examples of vacuum design it makes me a bit horrified to consider that groups, TEAMS of people; designers, engineers, focus groups etc, let this stuff go. As I stood at the top of my parents steps, I contemplated how joyous it would have felt to boot the godforsaken appliance down the steps I struggled to vacuum minutes ago. It occurred to me that this dreadful excuse for consumer product that sat next to me (unbeknown of its possible death-by-stairs) somehow saw fruition. People in some part of the country saw this thing and went " Good, great, let's get this to market." Had I been in charge, I would have beaten them silly, trying in vain to bludgeon them with the vacuum hose, only to have the propelled base cut me down at the legs.
My gripe today is with all the devices that idiot boasted his product against. The rest of the vacuum lot. Over Thanksgiving I had to help vacuum the floors at my folks house. No big deal right? No gripes over helping take care of pre-dinner chores. In a way, it's all part of the holiday experience... I digress. What DID bother me is having to use god's own mistake of a vacuum that my parents owned. Now, I have to address this piece by piece. One would think that when using a vacuum hose to clean a floor, the manufacturer would provide enough length to maybe, MAYBE go further away from the vacuum than three feet. Not this one. The hose is made of some type of corrugated elastic, which when extended to a usable length, sends the base vacuum hurling at you in return as if it was Batman's grappling hook attached to a rooftop. So in order to clean without risk of a rear assault from the vacuum, one must drag the base along with every step of those, thus negating any convenience it should and could provide. Morons.
So then the vacuum straight up breaks because its holy rolling piece of consumer waste. Fortunately enough (or so I thought) my Grandparents, living close by, brought their home model by for us to use. This one takes the prize. The hose on this bad-boy doubles as the handle to which you steer the thing. Fine if your vacuuming with the base, but yet again, try to use the hose and your lugging this worthless air stand behind you! Except with this hunk of hoover-flop you don't even have a handle to catch to prevent the attack when the elasti-hose with no length jerks the base right back at you! Worse yet, this model goes right for the back of the knees when it falls, and lemme tell you I have the battle scars as evidence.
To this I say put me in charge of vacuums. I guarantee I won't develop worthless minute details over decades and I surely won't let slip a leg debilitating design flaw through the process. That should be alarming to anyone right then and there... being in the creative field, I have a fair understanding of how a design gets filtered through the channels. To use not one but TWO horrible examples of vacuum design it makes me a bit horrified to consider that groups, TEAMS of people; designers, engineers, focus groups etc, let this stuff go. As I stood at the top of my parents steps, I contemplated how joyous it would have felt to boot the godforsaken appliance down the steps I struggled to vacuum minutes ago. It occurred to me that this dreadful excuse for consumer product that sat next to me (unbeknown of its possible death-by-stairs) somehow saw fruition. People in some part of the country saw this thing and went " Good, great, let's get this to market." Had I been in charge, I would have beaten them silly, trying in vain to bludgeon them with the vacuum hose, only to have the propelled base cut me down at the legs.
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