Dusting Off the Bile

Oh ho hohoho MAN — someone figured out how to get back into his blog, like a big kid! Jeez... it's been a few years, hasn't it? And waddaya know, no one cared. BUT but but but, neither do I — which keeps in the spirit of all this nonsense anyway. But as I read through these dated posts, I realize I left an open end... which not unlike a cohorts mother, should be properly shut until next time.

When I last found myself on this blog, I was on a tare regarding Tween 'stars'. My how far we have fallen in just two years time! And to think, Miley Cyrus was the worst thing they had to offer in 2009 (she wasn't, just one of ) — Brooke Hogan gets a big nod for giving Pete Griffin a run for his money in the "My Chin is Like a Ball-Sac" Category. On a higher note, I hear she did beat out Ru Paul for Most Convincing tranny. How proud the Hulk must be of his sons Nick and Brooke...

Ah, but how can we not admire the BOUNTY that 2011 has provided us? Justin Beiber. The cast of Jersey Shore. The Kardashians. The Jokenaus Brothers.

Currently, my engine is not firing on all it's cylinders from a seemingly endless work cycle. That said, I would like to take an abbreviated moment to line these pathetic figures up on an efficient firing squad. The atom bombs are constructed, Im just too tired to drop them. So for now...

Justin Bieber. Who and what army of mad scientists stapled a dick to this little bastard and put him on stage? Your non-pubesence is terrifying and seeing you try to act like a "playah" is as unsettling as teaching a 4 year old to hump the family dog. Knock it off.

The Jersey Shore cast. What can be said that hasn't been said already other than that these greasey neanderthals give a convincing argument for an Aldous Huxley society — that or the desire for a holocaust that targets Italians with IQs lower than moss.

The Kardashians and The Jonas Brothers. Families working together for their own financial gains, thankfully not having to rely on any real talent or marketable skill. Proof that all one must do in this life is blow the right person, or be seen blowing someone. In the case of the Kardashians, they were guilty of the latter — so much "leaked" amateur porn, it's a small wonder how they found time to clear their throats and promote themselves. And I know you're saying, hey man, The Joans Bros didn't blow anyone — theyre wholesome Disney icons. To that nay-saying lot, I offer this : you show me ANY Disney progeny that didn't kneel down and pay 'respect' to ol' frosty Walt secretarialy, and I'll show you a kid with inexplicable frost bite on his lips.