Saturday, December 6, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
Reading Traffic: A Higher Brain Function
Like much of the rants sure to come about on this vast wasteland of detritus-texts that are the internets, THIS post has been a long time coming.
You all can identify with what is about to unfold. You have encountered it and maybe even share a similar loathing for it as do I. When driving you have come across a multi lane stretch of road. This is to ease the flow of traffic to prevent congestion in an urban area. Smart enough. And along these stretches you may likely spy a row of traffic lights. THESE are meant to aid in the control and flow of traffic from intersection to intersection. Smart enough again. What of course pokes a massive hole in this intelligent design (not the god kind) is the set of lights that do not offer turn signals at streets that require them! If you are a street that has access from the left, as do most, request that your accompanying light have an extra globe with a GREEN ARROW IN IT.
Putmeinchargeoftrafficlights!!!
What is the function of having 16 green lights in a row, when none of them offer the option to turn left? Yeah theres 47 lanes of open traffic going straight, but as soon as that left most lane needs to to turn, instant deadlock. That is until someone can squeak out, stage left. And as many of you have likely encountered this, you also know that this Left-light-poser with its false assurance of left turning, never permits more than one car per light rotation. So if 6 cars have to turn left, chances are accounting for traffic businesss (read busy-ness), one cars is maybe getting through, two tops if they trail each caravan style. On a rare occasion, a driver will pull what is called a California Left, which involves the mere cunning and balls of the driver to blow through a red light before the oncoming opposite side moves.
The issue of arrow-less light is grating for sure in multi lane streets. However, when a double traffic light exists on a single lane street? THAT is about as useful as an elbow on your eyelid; equally as dumb and dysfunctional. Why, why WHY?!? would anyone need a second green light with no arrow... I already know Im stuck to wait to turn, but to make matters more ridiculous, you have a second light, entirely worthless, reminding me that if it HAD an arrow light, I would be on my way already. But no, there we all sit, staring at TWO green lights, waiting to turn left and can't, while everybody stuck behind us is contemplating murder because the jagoff in the foremost car had to go West... I mean really, a second light like that without an arrow is as glib a display of convenience as giving a homeless man a refrigerator.
And while Im at it!!! This just happened recently and is specific to me as far as I know. It is an occurrence that I am stymied by because of its infrequence. That of course being students ability and inability to walk in front of my car. I drive through a college to and from work everyday. The average throng of students go about their business (read biz ness) and of that day-rigor is street crossing. Recently, I was driving home and a crosswalk sat a good 200ft. from where I was. A student had already began heading across the street. By the time I reached about 100ft from him, he had already cleared my side of the street. For whatever reason, he turned tail like a squirrel and darted back to the sidewalk. Mystified I drove by and watched as he again re-crossed the street. Now, no traffic was coming the other way and I wasn't driving fast. So why in name of orange barrels would this kid abandon his adventure when he was nearly home free??? And it wasn't for him forgetting something either, again I watched him (I was driving slow) He literally ran back, tagged up on the curb, and began walking again as soon as drove by... This is odd to me since typically college kids will just bomb out right in front of my car with unabashed determination to get to class. Insane as that is, (because I change cds often and rarely watch where I go) I respect enough their focus to not get themselves killed by my four-wheeled assault cab known as the Suburu Impreza. I would also like to point out that I don't have a vendetta to settle wherein I pickoff students by the packload with my car, nor does my driving suggest that. Admittedly it sounds like something I might consider though, especially depending on how long I sat to turn left at the previous light.
You all can identify with what is about to unfold. You have encountered it and maybe even share a similar loathing for it as do I. When driving you have come across a multi lane stretch of road. This is to ease the flow of traffic to prevent congestion in an urban area. Smart enough. And along these stretches you may likely spy a row of traffic lights. THESE are meant to aid in the control and flow of traffic from intersection to intersection. Smart enough again. What of course pokes a massive hole in this intelligent design (not the god kind) is the set of lights that do not offer turn signals at streets that require them! If you are a street that has access from the left, as do most, request that your accompanying light have an extra globe with a GREEN ARROW IN IT.
Putmeinchargeoftrafficlights!!!
What is the function of having 16 green lights in a row, when none of them offer the option to turn left? Yeah theres 47 lanes of open traffic going straight, but as soon as that left most lane needs to to turn, instant deadlock. That is until someone can squeak out, stage left. And as many of you have likely encountered this, you also know that this Left-light-poser with its false assurance of left turning, never permits more than one car per light rotation. So if 6 cars have to turn left, chances are accounting for traffic businesss (read busy-ness), one cars is maybe getting through, two tops if they trail each caravan style. On a rare occasion, a driver will pull what is called a California Left, which involves the mere cunning and balls of the driver to blow through a red light before the oncoming opposite side moves.
The issue of arrow-less light is grating for sure in multi lane streets. However, when a double traffic light exists on a single lane street? THAT is about as useful as an elbow on your eyelid; equally as dumb and dysfunctional. Why, why WHY?!? would anyone need a second green light with no arrow... I already know Im stuck to wait to turn, but to make matters more ridiculous, you have a second light, entirely worthless, reminding me that if it HAD an arrow light, I would be on my way already. But no, there we all sit, staring at TWO green lights, waiting to turn left and can't, while everybody stuck behind us is contemplating murder because the jagoff in the foremost car had to go West... I mean really, a second light like that without an arrow is as glib a display of convenience as giving a homeless man a refrigerator.
And while Im at it!!! This just happened recently and is specific to me as far as I know. It is an occurrence that I am stymied by because of its infrequence. That of course being students ability and inability to walk in front of my car. I drive through a college to and from work everyday. The average throng of students go about their business (read biz ness) and of that day-rigor is street crossing. Recently, I was driving home and a crosswalk sat a good 200ft. from where I was. A student had already began heading across the street. By the time I reached about 100ft from him, he had already cleared my side of the street. For whatever reason, he turned tail like a squirrel and darted back to the sidewalk. Mystified I drove by and watched as he again re-crossed the street. Now, no traffic was coming the other way and I wasn't driving fast. So why in name of orange barrels would this kid abandon his adventure when he was nearly home free??? And it wasn't for him forgetting something either, again I watched him (I was driving slow) He literally ran back, tagged up on the curb, and began walking again as soon as drove by... This is odd to me since typically college kids will just bomb out right in front of my car with unabashed determination to get to class. Insane as that is, (because I change cds often and rarely watch where I go) I respect enough their focus to not get themselves killed by my four-wheeled assault cab known as the Suburu Impreza. I would also like to point out that I don't have a vendetta to settle wherein I pickoff students by the packload with my car, nor does my driving suggest that. Admittedly it sounds like something I might consider though, especially depending on how long I sat to turn left at the previous light.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Vacuums: Sucking Every Which-Way
Has anyone seen the commercial for the Dyson line of vacuum cleaners? If you haven't, the owner himself proclaims he spent something-to-the-effect of his last 12 years developing this "revolutionary" vacuum... Twelve years, really? It took you TWELVE years to improve upon the technology of the vacuum cleaner, which is essentially a motor and fan in reverse, pulling dirt into a bag or container. I cannot even recall what exactly he did to improve upon the product other than make it look more "techy" and "hosey" and of course, paint it yellow. Take THAT Dirt Devil and Hoover, all hit up with your red selves... Anyways, the Dyson guy is not the problem, other than the fact that he took 12 damn years improving something that was in dire need of an obvious fix; make the vacuum suck less, or better, whichever.
My gripe today is with all the devices that idiot boasted his product against. The rest of the vacuum lot. Over Thanksgiving I had to help vacuum the floors at my folks house. No big deal right? No gripes over helping take care of pre-dinner chores. In a way, it's all part of the holiday experience... I digress. What DID bother me is having to use god's own mistake of a vacuum that my parents owned. Now, I have to address this piece by piece. One would think that when using a vacuum hose to clean a floor, the manufacturer would provide enough length to maybe, MAYBE go further away from the vacuum than three feet. Not this one. The hose is made of some type of corrugated elastic, which when extended to a usable length, sends the base vacuum hurling at you in return as if it was Batman's grappling hook attached to a rooftop. So in order to clean without risk of a rear assault from the vacuum, one must drag the base along with every step of those, thus negating any convenience it should and could provide. Morons.
So then the vacuum straight up breaks because its holy rolling piece of consumer waste. Fortunately enough (or so I thought) my Grandparents, living close by, brought their home model by for us to use. This one takes the prize. The hose on this bad-boy doubles as the handle to which you steer the thing. Fine if your vacuuming with the base, but yet again, try to use the hose and your lugging this worthless air stand behind you! Except with this hunk of hoover-flop you don't even have a handle to catch to prevent the attack when the elasti-hose with no length jerks the base right back at you! Worse yet, this model goes right for the back of the knees when it falls, and lemme tell you I have the battle scars as evidence.
To this I say put me in charge of vacuums. I guarantee I won't develop worthless minute details over decades and I surely won't let slip a leg debilitating design flaw through the process. That should be alarming to anyone right then and there... being in the creative field, I have a fair understanding of how a design gets filtered through the channels. To use not one but TWO horrible examples of vacuum design it makes me a bit horrified to consider that groups, TEAMS of people; designers, engineers, focus groups etc, let this stuff go. As I stood at the top of my parents steps, I contemplated how joyous it would have felt to boot the godforsaken appliance down the steps I struggled to vacuum minutes ago. It occurred to me that this dreadful excuse for consumer product that sat next to me (unbeknown of its possible death-by-stairs) somehow saw fruition. People in some part of the country saw this thing and went " Good, great, let's get this to market." Had I been in charge, I would have beaten them silly, trying in vain to bludgeon them with the vacuum hose, only to have the propelled base cut me down at the legs.
My gripe today is with all the devices that idiot boasted his product against. The rest of the vacuum lot. Over Thanksgiving I had to help vacuum the floors at my folks house. No big deal right? No gripes over helping take care of pre-dinner chores. In a way, it's all part of the holiday experience... I digress. What DID bother me is having to use god's own mistake of a vacuum that my parents owned. Now, I have to address this piece by piece. One would think that when using a vacuum hose to clean a floor, the manufacturer would provide enough length to maybe, MAYBE go further away from the vacuum than three feet. Not this one. The hose is made of some type of corrugated elastic, which when extended to a usable length, sends the base vacuum hurling at you in return as if it was Batman's grappling hook attached to a rooftop. So in order to clean without risk of a rear assault from the vacuum, one must drag the base along with every step of those, thus negating any convenience it should and could provide. Morons.
So then the vacuum straight up breaks because its holy rolling piece of consumer waste. Fortunately enough (or so I thought) my Grandparents, living close by, brought their home model by for us to use. This one takes the prize. The hose on this bad-boy doubles as the handle to which you steer the thing. Fine if your vacuuming with the base, but yet again, try to use the hose and your lugging this worthless air stand behind you! Except with this hunk of hoover-flop you don't even have a handle to catch to prevent the attack when the elasti-hose with no length jerks the base right back at you! Worse yet, this model goes right for the back of the knees when it falls, and lemme tell you I have the battle scars as evidence.
To this I say put me in charge of vacuums. I guarantee I won't develop worthless minute details over decades and I surely won't let slip a leg debilitating design flaw through the process. That should be alarming to anyone right then and there... being in the creative field, I have a fair understanding of how a design gets filtered through the channels. To use not one but TWO horrible examples of vacuum design it makes me a bit horrified to consider that groups, TEAMS of people; designers, engineers, focus groups etc, let this stuff go. As I stood at the top of my parents steps, I contemplated how joyous it would have felt to boot the godforsaken appliance down the steps I struggled to vacuum minutes ago. It occurred to me that this dreadful excuse for consumer product that sat next to me (unbeknown of its possible death-by-stairs) somehow saw fruition. People in some part of the country saw this thing and went " Good, great, let's get this to market." Had I been in charge, I would have beaten them silly, trying in vain to bludgeon them with the vacuum hose, only to have the propelled base cut me down at the legs.
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