After many, many years of loathing the various on-goings around me, I have finally decided to do something about it — bitch in a blog; worthlessly. I find that to counter counter-productivity is to in kind point out all its flaws as someone above it all, while ironically still managing to actually be just as useless as the object in question; all problems, no solutions. This pertains to anything in our speculatively functioning world — cars, commercials, products, people — you name it. Throw a stone and chances are you'll hit something I would like to throw a much heavier stone at...
So without further adieu, after much bottled frustration, the first of what is likely to be many...
Put me in charge of the Holidays.
It should be put out there for those that do not know me well enough, which is probably most of you, that I am massive fan of holiday kitsch. I don't subscribe to religion at all, but come December, or really Thanksgiving night, I get the urge to break out the decorations, put on some Vince Guaraldi and kick back to enjoy what is typically the most stressful time of year. I should preface this also by saying that when it comes to holiday kitsch, I bask in old, nostalgic holiday kitsch. Old movies, old music, old decorations, ya know, back when things were created with craftsmanship, care and thought — before corporations realized that the colors red and green were commodities...
I physically feel ill when I hear remix versions of old Christmas tunes ( think the Gap cutting White Christmas to a 'beat' or the techno patchwork of a Dean Martin's Let it Snow) If you or anyone you know has listened to, created, or partaken in holiday crimes of this degree, immediately hollow out your ear canals with a candy cane. ALSO, do not try and recreate anything... let the past be the past. There is a reason A Charlie Brown Christmas has not been replaced on TV, mainly because none of the comp-gen crap out there NOW cannot even come close. And believe you me, its not without trying. I think its a fair guess to say that ten years from now, christ even TWO years from now, no one is going to look back on the Dora Explorer Winter Show. Leave well enough alone. Even Rankin Bass, the purveyors of most classic holiday fodder — Rudpolph, Frosty, Santa Claus is Comin' to Town — even THEY have been known to cock up and overdo it. Anyone remember the Life and Adventures of Santa Claus? Nestor the Long-Eared Donkey? Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July??? Yeah... Even the makers of the classics need to know when to quit. If youre going to make something classic, try being honest, try being genuine, try making something of quality. Stop recycling the same tired concepts, and stop over saturating your show with the ones that work! Ever catch, well really, ANYTHING that's on ABC or the Disney Channel? Holy Jumpin Jesus... There is a staggering abundance of bright design and color and decoration, and Im not even talking about the holidays specifically, everything they do is just saturated, saccharine shit.
Unrealistic homes spaces, personalities that no sane person possesses and life situations that simply do not exist outside of television. Perfect turkeys, fake smiles, awe-inspiring crowd moments and laugh tracks; put them all in a land fill.
Christmas is pine trees with large bulbs and tinsel. Christmas is snow and red ribbons and old bells. Christmas is family gatherings, It's a Wonderful Life, and music that sounds as old as it is.
Tune in next time for even more hypocritical ranting!
So without further adieu, after much bottled frustration, the first of what is likely to be many...
Put me in charge of the Holidays.
It should be put out there for those that do not know me well enough, which is probably most of you, that I am massive fan of holiday kitsch. I don't subscribe to religion at all, but come December, or really Thanksgiving night, I get the urge to break out the decorations, put on some Vince Guaraldi and kick back to enjoy what is typically the most stressful time of year. I should preface this also by saying that when it comes to holiday kitsch, I bask in old, nostalgic holiday kitsch. Old movies, old music, old decorations, ya know, back when things were created with craftsmanship, care and thought — before corporations realized that the colors red and green were commodities...
I physically feel ill when I hear remix versions of old Christmas tunes ( think the Gap cutting White Christmas to a 'beat' or the techno patchwork of a Dean Martin's Let it Snow) If you or anyone you know has listened to, created, or partaken in holiday crimes of this degree, immediately hollow out your ear canals with a candy cane. ALSO, do not try and recreate anything... let the past be the past. There is a reason A Charlie Brown Christmas has not been replaced on TV, mainly because none of the comp-gen crap out there NOW cannot even come close. And believe you me, its not without trying. I think its a fair guess to say that ten years from now, christ even TWO years from now, no one is going to look back on the Dora Explorer Winter Show. Leave well enough alone. Even Rankin Bass, the purveyors of most classic holiday fodder — Rudpolph, Frosty, Santa Claus is Comin' to Town — even THEY have been known to cock up and overdo it. Anyone remember the Life and Adventures of Santa Claus? Nestor the Long-Eared Donkey? Rudolph and Frosty's Christmas in July??? Yeah... Even the makers of the classics need to know when to quit. If youre going to make something classic, try being honest, try being genuine, try making something of quality. Stop recycling the same tired concepts, and stop over saturating your show with the ones that work! Ever catch, well really, ANYTHING that's on ABC or the Disney Channel? Holy Jumpin Jesus... There is a staggering abundance of bright design and color and decoration, and Im not even talking about the holidays specifically, everything they do is just saturated, saccharine shit.
Unrealistic homes spaces, personalities that no sane person possesses and life situations that simply do not exist outside of television. Perfect turkeys, fake smiles, awe-inspiring crowd moments and laugh tracks; put them all in a land fill.
Christmas is pine trees with large bulbs and tinsel. Christmas is snow and red ribbons and old bells. Christmas is family gatherings, It's a Wonderful Life, and music that sounds as old as it is.
Tune in next time for even more hypocritical ranting!
